A Letter to the Gappas
Context
In late 2004 or early 2005, Tisha had heard through her sister Tara Matson about a Dallas couple, Jon and Tami Gappa, who discovered their infant son Sam had been diagnosed with cancer. The end result of a surgery to remove the tumor was that his kidneys would never regain function. For the next three-plus years, little Sam would be dialysis dependent.
Naturally, a kidney transplant was essential. When pursuing “living donors,” the Gappas soon discovered that due to blood issues neither of them were viable donor options. Tisha’s sister sent out an email to friends in her address book inquiring as to whether or not they would be interested in testing to see if they might be a viable match. I remember Tisha asking me if I cared if she was tested. Thinking nothing about it, I said “Sure.” We weren’t related to the family in any way. We didn’t even know them. The odds definitely weren’t in her favor.
Matches for kidney transplants are based on a series of six markers. Normally, a good parental match will have three of six markers. According to the test results, Tisha had four of six markers. Tisha was by far the best candidate and now things were getting serious. Very serious.
Naturally, there was some hesitancy. Amazingly enough, it wasn’t so much about the health concerns on Tisha’s part as it was about things like ramifications on health and life insurances. How would one less kidney affect our ability to possibly change health insurance or lock in another 20-year term life policy? These were our concerns. But when we thought about it, we realized that they weren’t things that ultimately mattered when compared with what the Gappas had to lose. We thought about what it would be like if we lost Reese, who is the same age as Sam. Tisha was convinced that we must move forward with the process.
There were two other significant concerns as well. We worried about how the possible rejection of Tisha’s kidney by Sam might affect us. It was beyond our control, but it nevertheless was a feeling that we considered grave. But the feeling that would come over us, should Tisha back out, was much worse.
The other concern was what others were thinking about what Tisha was doing. Tisha had a husband and three kids, and there were more than a few who let us know that they thought the transplant was unwise. That was painful. Thankfully, faith got us both through, but we were still concerned about what people were suggesting.
It took a while for things to develop, but finally a surgery was planned for April of 2007 at Lucille Packard in Palo Alto, CA. Two weeks before the transplant, though, it was called off due to concerns about recurring cancer in Sam. Later in early 2008, Sam would endure another surgery to resolve the cancer predicament. He recovered quickly and in August of 2008, we all flew to California where Tisha gave one of her kidneys to 4 year-old, Sam Gappa.
Both recovered quickly. Tisha was out of the hospital in four days. Sam actually came home from California about a month earlier than he was supposed to. To this day, both are doing extremely well. Sam is growing and doing things that before he wasn’t allowed to do.
Jon Gappa preserves the whole story, from September of 2004 through March of 2009, in an online journal at http://www.caringbridge.org/tx/samgappa/history.htm.
Dear Sam, Jon and Tami,
Of late, I’ve been writing letters once a week to those who mean the most to me. I don’t even know if you guys read my blog, but all of them thus far are there. From the beginning, my intentions were to save my last two letters for you guys and Tisha. This is my second to the last letter, my letter to you.
First, We love you more than words can describe. You aren’t just friends to us, you are family. The joys you’ve brought to our lives have no corresponding words. Awe, in so many forms, is all that can be produced.
Second, I believe the kind of hell you’ve been through for the last five years would ruin an average family. I’ve grown to discover that experiences, many of which are less taxing than yours has been, do often deconstruct the family unit. I’ve actually seen homes crumble due to much less than what you guys have gone through. But you’ve all been amazingly and immensely resilient. You’ve got courage unlike any three people I’ve ever met.
Third, to a great extent, through you, we’ve found ourselves. Tisha now knows how much faith she has in God. As I know you’ve come to believe, her part in Sam’s story was a faith thing. In the past, we believed that faith was just a “head thing,” all the while knowing that’s its much more than that. Faith is lived out through action that reflects the nature of one’s faith (James 2). She believes that giving up her kidney for Sam was her way of doing her part in God’s kingdom.
You see, we believe in discipleship (Matthew 28:18-20), and discipleship is about doing what the Messiah did. His gravest concern was for others. Ultimately, he gave his life so that we wouldn’t have to.
We aren’t perfect and we are still learning, but fortunately discipleship is an ongoing process. To Tisha, if he could lay down his life, she could part with a kidney. Her conviction was that God would see her through it. And he did.
Our families will never be the same. Nor should they be. Please tell “Little Genius” that “Uncle Dough Dough” is stronger today because of him. I hope that because of the influence you’ve had on me, that I too am becoming a much better father. We love you and always will!
Doug
Social Power!
douglasryoung.net