Douglas Young

Context

In late 2004 or early 2005, Tisha had heard through her sister Tara Matson about a Dallas couple, Jon and Tami Gappa, who discovered their infant son Sam had been diagnosed with cancer. The end result of a surgery to remove the tumor was that his kidneys would never regain function. For the next three-plus years, little Sam would be dialysis dependent.

Naturally, a kidney transplant was essential. When pursuing “living donors,” the Gappas soon discovered that due to blood issues neither of them were viable donor options. Tisha’s sister sent out an email to friends in her address book inquiring as to whether or not they would be interested in testing to see if they might be a viable match. I remember Tisha asking me if I cared if she was tested. Thinking nothing about it, I said “Sure.” We weren’t related to the family in any way. We didn’t even know them. The odds definitely weren’t in her favor.

Matches for kidney transplants are based on a series of six markers. Normally, a good parental match will have three of six markers. According to the test results, Tisha had four of six markers. Tisha was by far the best candidate and now things were getting serious. Very serious.

Naturally, there was some hesitancy. Amazingly enough, it wasn’t so much about the health concerns on Tisha’s part as it was about things like ramifications on health and life insurances. How would one less kidney affect our ability to possibly change health insurance or lock in another 20-year term life policy? These were our concerns. But when we thought about it, we realized that they weren’t things that ultimately mattered when compared with what the Gappas had to lose. We thought about what it would be like if we lost Reese, who is the same age as Sam. Tisha was convinced that we must move forward with the process.

There were two other significant concerns as well. We worried about how the possible rejection of Tisha’s kidney by Sam might affect us. It was beyond our control, but it nevertheless was a feeling that we considered grave. But the feeling that would come over us, should Tisha back out, was much worse.

The other concern was what others were thinking about what Tisha was doing. Tisha had a husband and three kids, and there were more than a few who let us know that they thought the transplant was unwise. That was painful. Thankfully, faith got us both through, but we were still concerned about what people were suggesting.

It took a while for things to develop, but finally a surgery was planned for April of 2007 at Lucille Packard in Palo Alto, CA. Two weeks before the transplant, though, it was called off due to concerns about recurring cancer in Sam. Later in early 2008, Sam would endure another surgery to resolve the cancer predicament. He recovered quickly and in August of 2008, we all flew to California where Tisha gave one of her kidneys to 4 year-old, Sam Gappa.

Both recovered quickly. Tisha was out of the hospital in four days. Sam actually came home from California about a month earlier than he was supposed to. To this day, both are doing extremely well. Sam is growing and doing things that before he wasn’t allowed to do.

Jon Gappa preserves the whole story, from September of 2004 through March of 2009, in an online journal at http://www.caringbridge.org/tx/samgappa/history.htm.

Dear Sam, Jon and Tami,

Of late, I’ve been writing letters once a week to those who mean the most to me. I don’t even know if you guys read my blog, but all of them thus far are there. From the beginning, my intentions were to save my last two letters for you guys and Tisha. This is my second to the last letter, my letter to you.

First, We love you more than words can describe. You aren’t just friends to us, you are family. The joys you’ve brought to our lives have no corresponding words. Awe, in so many forms, is all that can be produced.

Second, I believe the kind of hell you’ve been through for the last five years would ruin an average family. I’ve grown to discover that experiences, many of which are less taxing than yours has been, do often deconstruct the family unit. I’ve actually seen homes crumble due to much less than what you guys have gone through. But you’ve all been amazingly and immensely resilient. You’ve got courage unlike any three people I’ve ever met.

Third, to a great extent, through you, we’ve found ourselves. Tisha now knows how much faith she has in God. As I know you’ve come to believe, her part in Sam’s story was a faith thing. In the past, we believed that faith was just a “head thing,” all the while knowing that’s its much more than that. Faith is lived out through action that reflects the nature of one’s faith (James 2). She believes that giving up her kidney for Sam was her way of doing her part in God’s kingdom.

You see, we believe in discipleship (Matthew 28:18-20), and discipleship is about doing what the Messiah did. His gravest concern was for others. Ultimately, he gave his life so that we wouldn’t have to.

We aren’t perfect and we are still learning, but fortunately discipleship is an ongoing process. To Tisha, if he could lay down his life, she could part with a kidney. Her conviction was that God would see her through it. And he did.

Our families will never be the same. Nor should they be. Please tell “Little Genius” that “Uncle Dough Dough” is stronger today because of him. I hope that because of the influence you’ve had on me, that I too am becoming a much better father. We love you and always will!

Doug

Social Power!

I know I’m not the only one whose made a joke or two about “in-laws” in my lifetime. The “in-law” relationship has its own unique dynamic to it. Even when its good, you feel compelled to joke about it just because its normal.

BooBoo & LaLa with their grandkids at Animal Kingdom Lodge.

It works both ways by the way. I’ve heard numerous parents, in apparent “moments of weakness,” be forthcoming about their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Fortunately, my my in-laws are above that kind of thing and they’ve got little to nothing negative that they could possibly say about their son-in-laws. ;>}

Today, I write to Robert & Theda Landry of Mont Belvieu, TX. They are the proud parents of Tisha Young and Tara Matson. Chris Matson and myself have the privilege of being their son-in-laws. They are widely known as BooBoo and LaLa.

Doug

BooBoo and LaLa,

I owe you both an awful lot. You’ve introduced to some of the finer things in life, things that truly are life-transfiguring.  A lot of it, but not all, is food oriented. So the “life-transfiguring” aspect of it carries with it a significant downside if not careful. HaHa! My affinity for duck gumbo is from you. How else would I have ever been introduced to Nick’s boudin? I am a sucker for boiled crawfish thanks to you both! I don’t even need to get started on Sartens’s BBQ crabs! An ahnvee! Indeed, those are some of the finer things in life!

Seriously though, I was talking to a friend the other day about how having kids changes how you look at so many things. If I knew then, what I know now, I am certain that I would have acted in a much different fashion in my high school and college years. It’s amazing what parenting brings to the table in formulating perspectives on life.

So, I look at the futures of Haylee and Aby, in particular, with a certain sense of reluctance. How can I be at ease with the decisions that, Lord willing, they will one day face? While, theoretically, I know the answer, its the execution element on my part that most concerns me.

To my knowledge I’ve never told you this, but I believe you both did an amazing job of raising your girls. Especially, the Landry girl I married. I’ll let Chris speak for Tay. Tisha’s been a wonderful wife, much better than I deserve, and an excellent mother. She brings to our family a measure of intimacy that I am certain was handed down to her from her upbringing. I see it. I embrace it.

That you’ve been amazingly patient with a rather cantankerous son-in-law, I cannot deny. I am embarrassed about a number of my past trivialities. The tension that I brought with me must have made it difficult to ascertain how family gatherings would turn out. You both were incredibly graceful in the midst of it all. If you railed on me after us having left or you guys having headed home, its OK, you probably needed to for the sheer therapeutic value of it! Looking back, I think you understood more that I’d ever imagined.

You guys are great parents, wonderful grandparents (Crispy Creme’s notwithstanding), and loyal friends to many. You guys are loved across the board. That says a lot about you!

Boo, your work ethic is second to none. You would do anything to help anyone. Those are characteristics that I hope Reese grows up to recognize about you on his own, without having to have anyone point it out. They are qualities that I hope I am able to instill in him as well.

LaLa, that I couldn’t embarrass you at All About You earlier this month tells me that we are more alike than we might want to admit. We both do more to embarrass ourselves than others can do to embarrass us. All kidding aside, I think now we no longer use humor towards each other to try and soften situations anymore. Now, I think its a sign of an incredible “in-law” love and I love it. By the way, I forgive you for not having duck gumbo over Easter weekend!

Finally, thank you for the story you shared with me after lunch on Easter Sunday. I know the girls bolted as they saw it coming, but it was a story that I needed to hear. I’ve tried to keep you guys sheltered from my ministry disappointments for a number of reasons, but I’m glad that you listened when Tisha needed you. Moreover, I am appreciative of the fact that you both responded with encouragement when you knew I needed it! Thank you to you both for everything you do. I love you both!

Your Cantankerous Son-in-Law

Jennie,

I haven’t talked to you in a while, so I don’t know if you are aware of what I’ve been doing in writing these letters of late, but I thought I would let you know that once a week I have been writing and posting letters to those who mean the most to me. I began with a letter to God, then I turned my attention to dad, mom, Julie and now you. I usually post them on Mondays at my blog site.

Whether you realize it or not, you have been instrumental in my life. I don’t remember precisely when it all began, but I think it centers around you pushing that bully into the lockers at school. I think it was my first year of baseball. I must have been about nine. We practiced behind our house, across Poesta Creek. I don’t even think dad was coaching then. One of my teammates had an older bother that bullied me around one day at the practice field and I came home in tears. He went to high school with you, you found him, shoved him up against the lockers and threatened him with his life if he ever touched me again. He never did.

There have been so many things you’ve done for me over the years, that there are almost too many to number. You have a heart of gold and I think your kids carry with them the same heart. You have every reason to be proud. Your family is loved by so many. You and Gilbert have instilled in them a work ethic and a heart for people. That will carry them a long way.

Not long ago, you suggested to me that you were the “black sheep” of our family. You were wrong. I don’t think that way of you and I don’t believe Julie does either. You are not the odd one out and you definitely aren’t a disgrace. If in my past, in particular, I have given you that impression then I am asking you for your forgiveness. That our lives are different doesn’t make you a “black sheep” in my eyes. It never has and it never will!

The dynamic of my household is strikingly similar to that of ours when we were growing up: two older girls and a boy. The main difference is that there isn’t the significant age span between Aby and Reese as there is between you and me. I know I’ve told you this before, but Aby reminds me of you in so many ways. She has a wonderful heart, but you don’t want to get crossways with her. I think she senses the disadvantage of being a middle child like I think you did and probably still do. She bears so many of your qualities. This being so, there is hardly a day that goes by that you don’t cross my mind. And for that, I am so blessed. While we live over 300 miles away from each other, I still get to see you everyday!

Jennie, you are a wonderful sister, a faithful wife and a loving mother. You should be extremely proud. I know I am very proud of you. My family loves you, Gilbert, Garrett, Courtney and Gavin very much. Tell the Garrett and Gavin that when we come down for Courtney’s graduation Reese wants to wrestle. I Love you!

Note: For those of you who don’t know, I have two older sisters. Julie is 10 years older than me and Jennie is older by 8 years. Both are amazing women to whom I am greatly indebted. Over the last two years, Julie has experienced deep pain from a tumultuous divorce. Along the way she looked to her “little brother” for something, but it was hard to feel like I could remotely come close to helping from afar. Today, her life is working itself out and she seems to be incredibly happy. That’s good news to my ears.

Next week will be a letter to my sister Jennie, but today is Julie’s day.

Doug

Julie,

You don’t need me to tell you this, but I want you to know that I am extremely proud of you. You deserve a huge hug and if I was there I would give you one! You have shown family, friends and foes that you are immensely strong and amazingly resilient. With your dignity in tact, you’ve sent a resounding message that affirms the truth of Romans 8:28. You are testimony to God’s truth in a most beautiful way.

What you’ve experienced in the last couple of years, and your willingness to lean on your “little brother” to the degree you have, has taught us both considerably. I know that my attempts to offer counsel were feeble. More often than not, I had no words, but you had my ear. But amidst it all, I’ve come to understand considerably more about life in general.

When and where do we really find ourselves? I’ve learned, and I think you will agree with me here, that its not so much when things are good, but rather its when faith is about all we’ve got. This begs the question, “Is faith really faith until its tested?”

For years, I’ve understood James 1:2-3 in my mind. It made sense to me. But to understand it in one’s heart, it has to be experienced. You have experienced it. Are you better for it? I think so. Was it easy? Not hardly. Was it worth it to find yourself? It’s a double-edged sword to be sure, but if you didn’t know the real you before you do now! Moreover, and maybe most importantly, you are now capable of ministering to others in a most positive way.

The single most disturbing thing about my time in ministry has not been the difficulties of understanding doctrine. What’s been most alarming has been how many Christians struggle in living out their profession. I believe the difficulties that you and others have experienced are a clarion call for us to wake up. We cannot afford to fiddle while Rome burns. Other women are now experiencing things similar to what you did. They need to hear your story. They need a message of hope. My hope is that you fill that void.

May God bless you in the days to come. May God bless your children and the futures that are before them. May you know what your brother, sister-in-law, nieces and nephew love you and thank you for all that you’ve done for us!

Mom,

Let me begin by saying that I do not have a terminal disease. I promise. I know you, and I know you’re wondering why I am doing this letter business. People always seem to do this kind of thing when something’s wrong with them physically. It’s OK. Take a deep breath and wipe away your tears. Nothing is wrong with me.

Mom, you have the most amazing heart of anyone I know. I mean it. It’s why you are respected by so many. It’s why so many love you! What will you not do for others that’s within your power? I can’t think of anything.

You are tender yet tough! At times you can be very tough. Maybe that’s what’s most amazing about you. You can be tough and tender at the same time. It’s a gift that not all have. You’ve developed yours well.

I find myself frequently dreaming of the night I walked along Hwy 181 from the Griffith Ranch. Someone who had been there with me saw me walking in the ditch towards Skidmore and picked me up. They took me to Billy Beyer’s where you picked me up from there. I sense that dad was there for some reason too, but I can’t quite recall for sure. For reasons we both know, my memory would be pretty sketchy about that night, but I remember you trying to talk me into the car and me shoving you. For years I’ve wished it didn’t happen, but I am confident it did. What a thing to have to revisit every so often in a dream. To be honest, I think about it more than you’d ever imagine, not just in my dreams.

My life has been filled with all sorts of “low points” but none lower than that one. A mother, who loved me unconditionally, should never have had to experience something like that. No one trying to help another person should have to experience such a thing, but for certain not one’s mother.

So mom, in my eyes you are the personification of grace and I think the heart I am currently cultivating inside of me is yours. To me, its proof that God puts a little more in us from our parents than mere physical traits. I told someone not long ago that when I tear up while I’m preaching or reading a book or watching a movie that its a quality I get from you. And I’m not ashamed of it either. I’ve got a lot of dad in me too, and I don’t think its bad either, but this thing I’ve got going on inside of me is something I got from you. So thank you.

Mom, thank you for being you. I am proud of what you’re doing for yourself physically. I am proud of the mother and grandmother you are. But even more than that, I am proud of the wonderful, Christian woman you are. Sure you struggle. Join the club. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it (Matthew 7:13-14).

We (Myself, Tisha, Haylee, Aby & Reese) all love you! We hope  to see you very, very soon!