Perceptions

September 9, 2011 in Conflict with 4 Comments

Is it possible that perceptions are the single greatest barrier to harmonious relationships? If not the greatest, they have to rank fairly high.

We are constantly perceiving things aren’t we?

  • Ominous looking clouds coming from the west cause us to perceive rain might be on the way.
  • A couple abruptly walks out of a movie. Are they offended by something? Maybe they received a text stating their child is ill, so they cut their date short?
  • And then, of course, there’s the dreaded how we perceive things said to us. You perceive someone says something to you in anger, but the speaker suggests otherwise.

Be careful careful how you perceive things. Your perceptions are a way of framing matters. So be ready, just in case you have to re-frame because your perceptions were off. Your perception of a situation may erect an unnecessary barrier between you and another.

 

 

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The Blame Game

September 8, 2011 in Conflict with 0 Comments

What might it say about us if our first instinct is to assess blame when things go wrong? Could it be that we aren’t willing to own our mistakes?

I know. I know. It’s always about what’s right. I get it. I’m just bothered by the fact that some think it’s inconceivable that they could ever be wrong. Could it be that we aren’t willing to own our mistakes?

In Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Stone, Patton and Heen suggest: “Focusing on blame is a bad idea because it inhibits our ability to learn what’s really causing the problem and to do anything meaningful to correct it.” It’s true. If our initial instinct is to assess blame then we are actually succumbing to a diversion that distracts us from the most pressing issue at hand- what or why something went wrong.

Who is at fault is important, but not nearly as much as what or why. The who will come. But if our first instinct is to assert blame, then it may be that we are the ones with something to hide!

 

 

Reverence…

September 6, 2011 in Quotes with 0 Comments

…is the capacity to feel respect in the right way toward the right people, and to feel awe towards the object that transcends particular human interests.

Paul Woodruff

Reverence: Renewing a Forgotten Virtue

Communication

August 31, 2011 in People with 3 Comments

Too many confuse conveyance with communication. They think because they convey a message that it actually gets communicated. This is far from true.

Inherent within the word “communication” is community. In their text on Organizational Behavior, Nelson and Quick suggest communication “evokes a shared or common meaning in another person.” Such, most certainly, is the essence of community.

Passing along information, regardless of the format, doesn’t guarantee communication; there is too much margin for error. Emails can get lost in cyberspace. Potential receivers of a message can simply refuse to listen. Noise, poor word choices, or non-verbals can all prevent effective communication. Something might be conveyed, but it isn’t necessarily communicated.

So don’t take communication for granted. Be more conscious of connecting with people to whom you are speaking. By so doing, you can get through to people instead of missing your mark.

Off the Grid…

August 30, 2011 in Conflict Resolution with 9 Comments

Dr. Joey Cope (Executive Director of the Duncum Center) and myself following the August 12, 2011 graduation ceremony.

I’m done!!!  I’ve graduated from ACU with a Master’s Degree in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation. I received my grade for my practicum, the project that took me “off the grid” for the last several months.

I think Solomon was right when he stated there was a time and place for everything. There most certainly is a time to cut out superfluous hobbies for matters of supreme importance. Finishing my Masters Degree was certainly one of those times.

So thank you, Duncum Center, for an incredible experience. You were able force me off the grid, something nothing else or no one else has ever done. It had to happen, though. The project was that demanding! No blogging. No casual reading. Very little spare time. You, to a large extent, took my life away from me. But through it all, here’s what I discovered:

  • My wife is more patient than me. She proved it. She handled me better than I handled myself. On the surface, some of you might suggest that’s not saying, but I don’t think she deserved what I put her through in getting an MA. Good job, Tisha!
  • It is a miracle that I have any family or friends who love me. Given how I’ve approached conflict prior to my Master’s work, it is nothing short of a miracle that anyone even likes me.
  • Sometimes saying anything is saying too much. There is a time and place for everything, but my contributions to conversations are often too much. Some of us simply need to shut up and not feel like we have to voice an opinion just because we have one.
  • I’m thankful for what I’ve learned, but none of it will matter if I don’t put it into practice. That’s the hardest part.
Hopefully, now that I am in my new role at NMCCH and no longer have to worry about a practicum project, I can maneuver back on to the grid.
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