There’s something about blogging that is delightful and intriguing. In no time, you are able to publish something that the entire world is capable of reading. There can’t be much cooler than that. Those aspiring to write, but who have no forum to do so, can be up and running in a matter of minutes.

That is only one side of the coin though. On the other side is an image that suggests it’s not all its cracked up to be.

Blogging has become its own living, breathing organism. Since I’m back in the dog ownership business, I can equate it to our beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback, Spirit. And like a puppy you get for your kids, you can raise it up well or you can treat it so poorly that it becomes a major frustration.

There are guys out there like Jeff Goins, Brian Allain, and Robb Sutton who are, essentially, blog coaches. I’ve read blogging books by all three. They most assuredly know what they are doing, but with knowledge comes responsibility, and with responsibility come expectations. It’s the expectations, regardless of whether they are yours or that of another, that can make blogging so arduous and frustrating.

It’s one thing to be afforded the avenue to put something out for the entire world to see, but it’s another thing put stuff out there that others want to see. You see… That’s only part of what it takes to generate traffic. Consistency becomes another key, and that’s where a lot of us fall short. It’s been one of the myriad issues that have held me back for sure.

But I now feel it is time. For those who’ve sent me emails asking me if I’ve given up on blogging, I hope this is another step to that speaks to my resounding “No!” Thanks to the guys I cited above who are putting out tools to help. I’ve learned a lot from all three of you. My hope is to put forth a product worth reading.

Primary colors, though distinct and independent of one another, when put together create other colors. Yellow and blue make green. These are facts we know to be true. But to juxtapose the combination of primary colors in making secondary colors with convictions of who or what is right… Well….Some just will not go there.

This may be why litigation has such an appeal to some types of people. It affords a  clear winner and loser. One is in the “the right,” the other is in “the wrong.” Hard, fast lines are drawn and rarely, if ever, can both be right.

Mediation, though, suggests otherwise. According to Christopher W. Moore, mediation affords parties “a mutually acceptable settlement,” and through such you can have it both ways and not regret it!

Unlike any other form of dispute resolution, mediation makes it possible to either preserve or restore a relationship. When conflict must be an either/or proposition, it is hard for the loser to not leave bitter. But when both parties negotiate with each other coming out as winners, neither has to leave harboring anger or resentment.

In conflict management, there are alternatives to the win-lose mentality. But it’s no cake-walk! It takes a willingness to collaborate and composure unlike anything else to make it happen. But happen it can.

Do you find it difficult to collaborate?

Is it all or nothing for you?

Are you miserable if you don’t get your way in all things?

There is a better way! Seek to collaborate. If at all possible, mediate and not litigate. By so doing, you can have it both ways and not regret it.

My friend and mentor, Joey Cope, a lawyer and mediator, suggested to me that many conflict-oriented people are looking towards degrees like the one I got from ACU because they are tired of the conflict into which they are mired and are looking to find solutions for resolving it. He definitely had me pegged!

Why else would I spend two years, and a lot of money, pursuing such? I can promise you it wasn’t because I was bored!

Some people just love to be generators of conflict. They live for it. It’s their element. But it is, speaking from personal experience, a painful way to live.

That degree didn’t instantaneously change me. I still struggle. I still need to keep my mouth shut, instead of offering my unsolicited opinions to others on things not related to me. I get myself into trouble that way. But my recognition and admission of it, as well as my intentional movement away from such, is a sign that I’m headed in the right direction.

Want to join me?

In fact, the AHD defines resolution as “firm determination.” But how many people really stick with them? How many of us actually get through January with that diet or work-out regimen?

In fact, I think it’s silly to know there is something we ought to do now but put it off until later. Of course, I get why people want to put off the diet until January. There’s simply too much junk that we don’t want to miss out on between Thanksgiving and Christmas! But I think such a concession is incredibly revealing, and I’ll let you make the inference.

Why wait? We shouldn’t. If there is something that needs tweaking in our lives, regardless of what it might be, real commitment is exhibited through tackling it ASAP, not when it becomes significantly more convenient.

Quit waiting to do tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, what you know you need to do now! Why wait?

Proof?

Look at how many people start diets and exercise regimens to which they never adhere.

Thank God you can start over. But people who see it that way tend to use starting over as a crutch.

Mea Culpa...I’m one of those people… Sigh…

I’ve figured something out though. For starting over to work it requires a template to guide it- a plan of sorts. Here’s what I’ve concluded it takes for starting over to work.

Owning Your Issues

You wouldn’t be starting something over if everything was OK. When things are going smoothly there’s no need to. So own the fact that things are aren’t as they should be, so you can start over.

Seek Help

If you had it all figured out, you wouldn’t be starting something over. So get some help. But when you seek help, pursue counsel that knows what they’re talking about! Otherwise, you just might find yourself…starting over…again.

Stick with It

It is too stinking easy to quit. For me, quitting something is altogether too common. I suppose it’s comforting that when we do we can rest in knowing we can always… start over. But having to do so means we didn’t stick with it to begin with. So break the cycle and simply stick with from here on out.

John Pierpont Morgan

Treadmills are popular. Exercise fanatics use them diligently in their training. Just watch The Biggest Loser; there’s not an episode where you don’t see Bob torturing his team on one of them.

They monitor distance, time and even heart rate, with the runner regulating the pace. You can even push a button so as to give you the sense you are climbing. And you can put one anywhere- a gym, a garage, or living room. Treadmills are an incredible tool that can help individuals burn fat and get into shape.

But they are deceptive.

Running on a treadmill is not the same as running on the pavement or trail. The feel is totally different. The belt produces the pace, and runners often find that the pace on the open road isn’t the same as the pace on a treadmill.

Obviously, the most deceptive characteristic of a treadmill is that while it will monitor your distance for you, everyone knows that you’re not actually going anywhere. While you’ve made enough strides to cover 3 miles, you haven’t actually covered three miles. You are in the same exact spot as when you started.

Life can be like running on a treadmill. We run and run and run but never really go anywhere. We sweat but stay in the same place. You gasp for your next breath, your lungs laboring with intensity, and yet we are stuck in the same spot.

This is me and it is time to make a decision. No, I’m not looking for another job, buying a house, or anything like that. This is much more significant….

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.”

John Pierpont Morgan

Help me to be proud of my children as they participate in youth sports, but also help me not be the obnoxious idiot who won’t shut up about how great HIS kids are.

Amen

I’m often asked, now that I am done with my MA in Conflict Resolution, What is the most significant thing you learned in two years study conflict? It’s a good question, but not one easily answered.

It feels wonderful to finally be equipped with tools for resolving conflict. It feels even better to be able to share them with others who are looking to manage conflict, as well as be proactive in preventing it. Without these tools, as my personal life has proven, it is an immensely difficult and elusive task. Indeed, in this regard, knowledge is power.

But knowledge without application, especially in conflict management, serves very little purpose.

Someone asks, “What is the hardest part about everything you’ve learned?”

My response: “Putting it into practice.” If I wanted to get really specific, I’d say: “Putting it into practice with those I love.”

The difficulty is magnified when working with people you know and love, and who know me. Give me two people I don’t know, and I can help them…hands down. Ask me to work with people close to me, and I’ll second guess myself every time.

So…. As I see it, knowledge isn’t power. But rather, knowledge is responsibility. It’s not about what I know, or what you know for that matter. It’s what we do with what we know that can make the difference! Yep. Knowledge is responsibility.

We are constantly perceiving things aren’t we?

• Ominous looking clouds coming from the west cause us to perceive rain might be on the way.
• A couple abruptly walks out of a movie. Are they offended by something? Maybe they received a text stating their child is ill, so they cut their date short?
• And then, of course, there’s the dreaded how we perceive things said to us. You perceive someone says something to you in anger, but the speaker suggests otherwise.

Be careful careful how you perceive things. Your perceptions are a way of framing matters. So be ready, just in case you have to re-frame because your perceptions were off. Your perception of a situation may erect an unnecessary barrier between you and another.

I know. I know. It’s always about what’s right. I get it. I’m just bothered by the fact that some think it’s inconceivable that they could ever be wrong. Could it be that we aren’t willing to own our mistakes?

In Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Stone, Patton and Heen suggest: “Focusing on blame is a bad idea because it inhibits our ability to learn what’s really causing the problem and to do anything meaningful to correct it.” It’s true. If our initial instinct is to assess blame then we are actually succumbing to a diversion that distracts us from the most pressing issue at hand- what or why something went wrong.

Who is at fault is important, but not nearly as much as what or why. The who will come. But if our first instinct is to assert blame, then it may be that we are the ones with something to hide!