Jennie,

I haven’t talked to you in a while, so I don’t know if you are aware of what I’ve been doing in writing these letters of late, but I thought I would let you know that once a week I have been writing and posting letters to those who mean the most to me. I began with a letter to God, then I turned my attention to dad, mom, Julie and now you. I usually post them on Mondays at my blog site.

Whether you realize it or not, you have been instrumental in my life. I don’t remember precisely when it all began, but I think it centers around you pushing that bully into the lockers at school. I think it was my first year of baseball. I must have been about nine. We practiced behind our house, across Poesta Creek. I don’t even think dad was coaching then. One of my teammates had an older bother that bullied me around one day at the practice field and I came home in tears. He went to high school with you, you found him, shoved him up against the lockers and threatened him with his life if he ever touched me again. He never did.

There have been so many things you’ve done for me over the years, that there are almost too many to number. You have a heart of gold and I think your kids carry with them the same heart. You have every reason to be proud. Your family is loved by so many. You and Gilbert have instilled in them a work ethic and a heart for people. That will carry them a long way.

Not long ago, you suggested to me that you were the “black sheep” of our family. You were wrong. I don’t think that way of you and I don’t believe Julie does either. You are not the odd one out and you definitely aren’t a disgrace. If in my past, in particular, I have given you that impression then I am asking you for your forgiveness. That our lives are different doesn’t make you a “black sheep” in my eyes. It never has and it never will!

The dynamic of my household is strikingly similar to that of ours when we were growing up: two older girls and a boy. The main difference is that there isn’t the significant age span between Aby and Reese as there is between you and me. I know I’ve told you this before, but Aby reminds me of you in so many ways. She has a wonderful heart, but you don’t want to get crossways with her. I think she senses the disadvantage of being a middle child like I think you did and probably still do. She bears so many of your qualities. This being so, there is hardly a day that goes by that you don’t cross my mind. And for that, I am so blessed. While we live over 300 miles away from each other, I still get to see you everyday!

Jennie, you are a wonderful sister, a faithful wife and a loving mother. You should be extremely proud. I know I am very proud of you. My family loves you, Gilbert, Garrett, Courtney and Gavin very much. Tell the Garrett and Gavin that when we come down for Courtney’s graduation Reese wants to wrestle. I Love you!

Note: For those of you who don’t know, I have two older sisters. Julie is 10 years older than me and Jennie is older by 8 years. Both are amazing women to whom I am greatly indebted. Over the last two years, Julie has experienced deep pain from a tumultuous divorce. Along the way she looked to her “little brother” for something, but it was hard to feel like I could remotely come close to helping from afar. Today, her life is working itself out and she seems to be incredibly happy. That’s good news to my ears.

Next week will be a letter to my sister Jennie, but today is Julie’s day.

Doug

Julie,

You don’t need me to tell you this, but I want you to know that I am extremely proud of you. You deserve a huge hug and if I was there I would give you one! You have shown family, friends and foes that you are immensely strong and amazingly resilient. With your dignity in tact, you’ve sent a resounding message that affirms the truth of Romans 8:28. You are testimony to God’s truth in a most beautiful way.

What you’ve experienced in the last couple of years, and your willingness to lean on your “little brother” to the degree you have, has taught us both considerably. I know that my attempts to offer counsel were feeble. More often than not, I had no words, but you had my ear. But amidst it all, I’ve come to understand considerably more about life in general.

When and where do we really find ourselves? I’ve learned, and I think you will agree with me here, that its not so much when things are good, but rather its when faith is about all we’ve got. This begs the question, “Is faith really faith until its tested?”

For years, I’ve understood James 1:2-3 in my mind. It made sense to me. But to understand it in one’s heart, it has to be experienced. You have experienced it. Are you better for it? I think so. Was it easy? Not hardly. Was it worth it to find yourself? It’s a double-edged sword to be sure, but if you didn’t know the real you before you do now! Moreover, and maybe most importantly, you are now capable of ministering to others in a most positive way.

The single most disturbing thing about my time in ministry has not been the difficulties of understanding doctrine. What’s been most alarming has been how many Christians struggle in living out their profession. I believe the difficulties that you and others have experienced are a clarion call for us to wake up. We cannot afford to fiddle while Rome burns. Other women are now experiencing things similar to what you did. They need to hear your story. They need a message of hope. My hope is that you fill that void.

May God bless you in the days to come. May God bless your children and the futures that are before them. May you know what your brother, sister-in-law, nieces and nephew love you and thank you for all that you’ve done for us!

Mom,

Let me begin by saying that I do not have a terminal disease. I promise. I know you, and I know you’re wondering why I am doing this letter business. People always seem to do this kind of thing when something’s wrong with them physically. It’s OK. Take a deep breath and wipe away your tears. Nothing is wrong with me.

Mom, you have the most amazing heart of anyone I know. I mean it. It’s why you are respected by so many. It’s why so many love you! What will you not do for others that’s within your power? I can’t think of anything.

You are tender yet tough! At times you can be very tough. Maybe that’s what’s most amazing about you. You can be tough and tender at the same time. It’s a gift that not all have. You’ve developed yours well.

I find myself frequently dreaming of the night I walked along Hwy 181 from the Griffith Ranch. Someone who had been there with me saw me walking in the ditch towards Skidmore and picked me up. They took me to Billy Beyer’s where you picked me up from there. I sense that dad was there for some reason too, but I can’t quite recall for sure. For reasons we both know, my memory would be pretty sketchy about that night, but I remember you trying to talk me into the car and me shoving you. For years I’ve wished it didn’t happen, but I am confident it did. What a thing to have to revisit every so often in a dream. To be honest, I think about it more than you’d ever imagine, not just in my dreams.

My life has been filled with all sorts of “low points” but none lower than that one. A mother, who loved me unconditionally, should never have had to experience something like that. No one trying to help another person should have to experience such a thing, but for certain not one’s mother.

So mom, in my eyes you are the personification of grace and I think the heart I am currently cultivating inside of me is yours. To me, its proof that God puts a little more in us from our parents than mere physical traits. I told someone not long ago that when I tear up while I’m preaching or reading a book or watching a movie that its a quality I get from you. And I’m not ashamed of it either. I’ve got a lot of dad in me too, and I don’t think its bad either, but this thing I’ve got going on inside of me is something I got from you. So thank you.

Mom, thank you for being you. I am proud of what you’re doing for yourself physically. I am proud of the mother and grandmother you are. But even more than that, I am proud of the wonderful, Christian woman you are. Sure you struggle. Join the club. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it (Matthew 7:13-14).

We (Myself, Tisha, Haylee, Aby & Reese) all love you! We hope  to see you very, very soon!