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A Letter to Tisha Young

May 26, 2009 in Letters with 7 Comments

Tisha,

It’s hard to believe that as of Sunday we’ve been married 12 years. I’m sorry that the weekend didn’t make it conducive for celebration. I promise to make it up to you!

This is the last of my letters, at least for now. I’m writing it to you, because of earthly relationships yours in most important to me. Unfortunately, I don’t sense that words will suffice. I’m not even convinced I have them in me.

What you thought you were getting in me and what you got were two different things. Be that as it may, you have accepted this and adapted amazingly well. I’ve led you on a high speed roller coaster ride that’s been as rough as The Texas Cyclone and full of sharp turns like Space Mountain. I’m glad you like roller coasters though. I wish I could say all of it was purposeful, but we know the truth.

Things haven’t been easy, but I do believe that we were made for each other. As Eve was made for Adam, so you are taylor-made for me. You are the perfect complement. When I’m weak, you are strong. When you are weak, I am strong. That, alone, settles it for me. But we both know there’s a lot more to it than that. You are an amazing wife. I’m just sorry that I don’t show you that enough.

Thank you for being the spouse and mother you are. Like me, I think you are often too hard on yourself. I think we have amazing kids and we owe that to you. Thank you.

Thank you for your faith in God and your willingness to put your faith to the test. You’ve put James 2 into serious practice, and lives have forever been changed as a result. What you did for the Gappas was one thing, but you haven’t stopped there. Thank you for your willingness to quit just talking about faith and instead live thereby. You’ve been monumental in my life because of it.

I wish I had more certainty and clarity about what is before us, but I don’t. Thankfully, we are in this thing together for the long haul. So let’s climb either into the very front cart on our rollercoaster, buckle-up, and go for a ride.

With a Love that is from God,

Doug

Tisha Young

Tisha Young

A Letter to the Gappas

May 19, 2009 in Letters with 4 Comments

Tisha, Sam and Doug

Context

In late 2004 or early 2005, Tisha had heard through her sister Tara Matson about a Dallas couple, Jon and Tami Gappa, who discovered their infant son Sam had been diagnosed with cancer. The end result of a surgery to remove the tumor was that his kidneys would never regain function. For the next three-plus years, little Sam would be dialysis dependent.

Naturally, a kidney transplant was essential. When pursuing “living donors,” the Gappas soon discovered that due to blood issues neither of them were viable donor options. Tisha’s sister sent out an email to friends in her address book inquiring as to whether or not they would be interested in testing to see if they might be a viable match. I remember Tisha asking me if I cared if she was tested. Thinking nothing about it, I said “Sure.” We weren’t related to the family in any way. We didn’t even know them. The odds definitely weren’t in her favor.

Matches for kidney transplants are based on a series of six markers. Normally, a good parental match will have three of six markers. According to the test results, Tisha had four of six markers. Tisha was by far the best candidate and now things were getting serious. Very serious.

Naturally, there was some hesitancy. Amazingly enough, it wasn’t so much about the health concerns on Tisha’s part as it was about things like ramifications on health and life insurances. How would one less kidney affect our ability to possibly change health insurance or lock in another 20-year term life policy? These were our concerns. But when we thought about it, we realized that they weren’t things that ultimately mattered when compared with what the Gappas had to lose. We thought about what it would be like if we lost Reese, who is the same age as Sam. Tisha was convinced that we must move forward with the process.

There were two other significant concerns as well. We worried about how the possible rejection of Tisha’s kidney by Sam might affect us. It was beyond our control, but it nevertheless was a feeling that we considered grave. But the feeling that would come over us, should Tisha back out, was much worse.

The other concern was what others were thinking about what Tisha was doing. Tisha had a husband and three kids, and there were more than a few who let us know that they thought the transplant was unwise. That was painful. Thankfully, faith got us both through, but we were still concerned about what people were suggesting.

It took a while for things to develop, but finally a surgery was planned for April of 2007 at Lucille Packard in Palo Alto, CA. Two weeks before the transplant, though, it was called off due to concerns about recurring cancer in Sam. Later in early 2008, Sam would endure another surgery to resolve the cancer predicament. He recovered quickly and in August of 2008, we all flew to California where Tisha gave one of her kidneys to 4 year-old, Sam Gappa.

Both recovered quickly. Tisha was out of the hospital in four days. Sam actually came home from California about a month earlier than he was supposed to. To this day, both are doing extremely well. Sam is growing and doing things that before he wasn’t allowed to do.

Jon Gappa preserves the whole story, from September of 2004 through March of 2009, in an online journal at http://www.caringbridge.org/tx/samgappa/history.htm.

Dear Sam, Jon and Tami,

Of late, I’ve been writing letters once a week to those who mean the most to me. I don’t even know if you guys read my blog, but all of them thus far are there. From the beginning, my intentions were to save my last two letters for you guys and Tisha. This is my second to the last letter, my letter to you.

First, We love you more than words can describe. You aren’t just friends to us, you are family. The joys you’ve brought to our lives have no corresponding words. Awe, in so many forms, is all that can be produced.

Second, I believe the kind of hell you’ve been through for the last five years would ruin an average family. I’ve grown to discover that experiences, many of which are less taxing than yours has been, do often deconstruct the family unit. I’ve actually seen homes crumble due to much less than what you guys have gone through. But you’ve all been amazingly and immensely resilient. You’ve got courage unlike any three people I’ve ever met.

Third, to a great extent, through you, we’ve found ourselves. Tisha now knows how much faith she has in God. As I know you’ve come to believe, her part in Sam’s story was a faith thing. In the past, we believed that faith was just a “head thing,” all the while knowing that’s its much more than that. Faith is lived out through action that reflects the nature of one’s faith (James 2). She believes that giving up her kidney for Sam was her way of doing her part in God’s kingdom.

You see, we believe in discipleship (Matthew 28:18-20), and discipleship is about doing what the Messiah did. His gravest concern was for others. Ultimately, he gave his life so that we wouldn’t have to.

We aren’t perfect and we are still learning, but fortunately discipleship is an ongoing process. To Tisha, if he could lay down his life, she could part with a kidney. Her conviction was that God would see her through it. And he did.

Our families will never be the same. Nor should they be. Please tell “Little Genius” that “Uncle Dough Dough” is stronger today because of him. I hope that because of the influence you’ve had on me, that I too am becoming a much better father. We love you and always will!

Doug

Social Power!

A Letter to Jason Browning

May 11, 2009 in Letters with 3 Comments

Note: I met Jason in 1998. We went to Southwest together for a year. He and his wife Cody have two sons. He preaches in LaGrange, TX.

Doug

Jay,

Its hard to place a specific value on friends, but one can more or less develop an idea by way of how friends endure things together. For example, Daniel’s friendship with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego seemed carry with it a particular kind of substance given what they endured together. Their friendship, similar convictions, and devotion to YHWH forged within them something truly special. At least that’s how I see them.

I use the example of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego because I easily see you, Clay, Patrick and myself interchangeably in them. We, by no means, have endured the kinds of trials that they did. That’s not my point at all. Nor am I willing to put my faith in comparison to any of theirs. I’m not saying we can be compared with them. But I think they were friends and were willing to endure things together and what we’ve experienced since 1998,much of it, has been done together.

You, my friend, have been an amazing friend. Your experiences have afforded you with a unique perspective on life. You know that things get messy, and yet you’re willing to get a little dirty if you have to. I don’t know where I would be today without your encouragement. You are a great encourager, a modern day Barnabas.

Jay, I don’t believe you have a disingenuous bone in your body. You put everything into what you do. You’re fiery when you need to be, compassionate when it calls for it, but considerate at all times. I appreciate you immensely for all of these.

I hope your entire life is blessed. Family. Work. Friends. You name it. May God grant you the wisdom to persevere amidst difficulty, the patience to endure it and the strength to help others along the way. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know. One day, if you’re lucky, I’ll sit down and tell you all those ways.

I love you my friend. Tell Cody I love her too. When she responds with, “Yeah right,” just do like you always do.

Doug

A Letter to Clay Martin (aka Question)

May 4, 2009 in Letters with 4 Comments

Note: When I first started writing these letters, I made up my mind that the last two were going to Jon, Tami, and Sam Gappa and my wife Tisha. Up to this point, all of the letters that I’ve written have been directed to family, but there are a few friends that I want to sandwich in between.

To provide a little background, Clay and I grew up together. I have known him since 3rd grade. We went our separate ways during our college years, but we reunited at my wedding. A year later, we were attending Southwest together. The two of us are extremely close. Our families, too, are very close. He and Joanna have three wonderful children. Clay is a minister in Hobbs, NM.


Dear Question,

Did you ever suspect that your life would turn out the way it has? I didn’t expect mine would. Given what our majors were in college, and for me, the direction my life was heading then, I am miles apart from where I thought I would be.

While our lives are clearly distinctive one from the other, they also bare many similarities. I’m really amazed after thinking about it. We both have

1. Wives with some fire underneath them

2. 2 girls, 1 boy

3. The same profession

4. Irreparable golf swings

I could list a whole lot more, but these suffice to prove my point. I am really not surprised that two of us have so much that is intertwined and similar.

Speaking for myself, I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today were it not for a few very special friends. Of those special friends, you are at the top.

For whatever reason, you get me. You understand me. I know a lot of people don’t and that frustrates them. But you do, and I know on more than one occasion you’ve sought to clarify the misconceptions that people have of me. To me, that’s one of the marks of a real friend.

You’ve been a tremendous sounding board for me. I am persuaded that a number of people we’ve both held in high esteem have struggled because they had no one that they felt they could talk to without there being repercussions. I have feared being in a similar situation. Thank you for always giving me your ear!

I also appreciate that you’ve never been afraid to let me know your genuine thoughts, particularly, when you thought I might be off base. Moreover, you know how to do it! That, in and of itself, makes for a compelling case that you are in the right line of work. Too many seem clueless about how to “reprove.” At least, as it pertains to me, you know how to go about it.

Clay, finally I want to thank you for your “no strings attached” friendship. As a kid, I used to attach conditions to friendships. You could be my friend if… I know that I am not the only person who’s recognized that youthful tendency. I’ve learned, though, that some never grow out of it. I am thankful that I have, but I am more appreciative of the fact that you seem immune to the notion.

I know God is working mightily through you and your family. The video of Caleb you posted on Facebook from LTC affirms this. The Jefferson St. church in Hobbs, NM is fortunate to have you. I, for one, am fortunate to have you and yours in my life. May God continue to bless you in his service.

Goof

A Letter to Robert & Theda Landry (In-Laws)

April 27, 2009 in Letters with 2 Comments

I know I’m not the only one whose made a joke or two about “in-laws” in my lifetime. The “in-law” relationship has its own unique dynamic to it. Even when its good, you feel compelled to joke about it just because its normal.

BooBoo & LaLa with their grandkids at Animal Kingdom Lodge.

BooBoo & LaLa with their grandkids at Animal Kingdom Lodge.

It works both ways by the way. I’ve heard numerous parents, in apparent “moments of weakness,” be forthcoming about their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Fortunately, my my in-laws are above that kind of thing and they’ve got little to nothing negative that they could possibly say about their son-in-laws. ;>}

Today, I write to Robert & Theda Landry of Mont Belvieu, TX. They are the proud parents of Tisha Young and Tara Matson. Chris Matson and myself have the privilege of being their son-in-laws. They are widely known as BooBoo and LaLa.

Doug

BooBoo and LaLa,

I owe you both an awful lot. You’ve introduced to some of the finer things in life, things that truly are life-transfiguring.  A lot of it, but not all, is food oriented. So the “life-transfiguring” aspect of it carries with it a significant downside if not careful. HaHa! My affinity for duck gumbo is from you. How else would I have ever been introduced to Nick’s boudin? I am a sucker for boiled crawfish thanks to you both! I don’t even need to get started on Sartens’s BBQ crabs! An ahnvee! Indeed, those are some of the finer things in life!

Seriously though, I was talking to a friend the other day about how having kids changes how you look at so many things. If I knew then, what I know now, I am certain that I would have acted in a much different fashion in my high school and college years. It’s amazing what parenting brings to the table in formulating perspectives on life.

So, I look at the futures of Haylee and Aby, in particular, with a certain sense of reluctance. How can I be at ease with the decisions that, Lord willing, they will one day face? While, theoretically, I know the answer, its the execution element on my part that most concerns me.

To my knowledge I’ve never told you this, but I believe you both did an amazing job of raising your girls. Especially, the Landry girl I married. I’ll let Chris speak for Tay. Tisha’s been a wonderful wife, much better than I deserve, and an excellent mother. She brings to our family a measure of intimacy that I am certain was handed down to her from her upbringing. I see it. I embrace it.

That you’ve been amazingly patient with a rather cantankerous son-in-law, I cannot deny. I am embarrassed about a number of my past trivialities. The tension that I brought with me must have made it difficult to ascertain how family gatherings would turn out. You both were incredibly graceful in the midst of it all. If you railed on me after us having left or you guys having headed home, its OK, you probably needed to for the sheer therapeutic value of it! Looking back, I think you understood more that I’d ever imagined.

You guys are great parents, wonderful grandparents (Crispy Creme’s notwithstanding), and loyal friends to many. You guys are loved across the board. That says a lot about you!

Boo, your work ethic is second to none. You would do anything to help anyone. Those are characteristics that I hope Reese grows up to recognize about you on his own, without having to have anyone point it out. They are qualities that I hope I am able to instill in him as well.

LaLa, that I couldn’t embarrass you at All About You earlier this month tells me that we are more alike than we might want to admit. We both do more to embarrass ourselves than others can do to embarrass us. All kidding aside, I think now we no longer use humor towards each other to try and soften situations anymore. Now, I think its a sign of an incredible “in-law” love and I love it. By the way, I forgive you for not having duck gumbo over Easter weekend!

Finally, thank you for the story you shared with me after lunch on Easter Sunday. I know the girls bolted as they saw it coming, but it was a story that I needed to hear. I’ve tried to keep you guys sheltered from my ministry disappointments for a number of reasons, but I’m glad that you listened when Tisha needed you. Moreover, I am appreciative of the fact that you both responded with encouragement when you knew I needed it! Thank you to you both for everything you do. I love you both!

Your Cantankerous Son-in-Law
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