I once took a home economics class in high school. I think I did it because I figured there would be a lot of girls in the class, but it also could have been because I had little hopes that I’d find a female who would help take care of me. Regardless, I was either shallow or desperate, and I’m not certain which one was more telling.

Mrs. McKay was awesome, though. I actually loved the class.

Out of the same material, I made a pillow and a pair of shorts. Not bad, I thought. But it got better. She actually convinced me to make a cake for our county fair.

I remember the night I made it. I had to make a number of runs at it. I kept doing something wrong though. I was leaving out a crucial element. I actually think it was baking powder of all things. Naturally, my cake suffered as a result. With a bit of motherly intervention, I got it figured out. But that missing element frustrated the process in a significant way. A missing element will do that to you…every…single…time.

As I think about the frustration of that night, as well as other events in my life where there were key elements missing to things that made matters difficult for me, I am forced to think introspectively about some of the key, missing elements in my personal life.

I wish I could say there was only one, but I know there are more than that. But there is a BIG ONE, and I’m finally mustering up the courage to make a clarion call for it. The biggest missing element from my life, one I contend is holding me back the most, is… accountability.

In the past, I’ve been critical of others who’ve advocated for accountability partners. Some in certain religious movements seemingly abused it. Unfortunately, I was also critical of those who were advocating a healthy, constructive approach to holding one another accountable. Now I’ve come to my senses, and I see the pressing need for establishing accountability in our lives. In fact, there is biblical precedent for it.

“Therefore, confess your sins one to another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Accountability is crucial to parenting, isn’t it. I hold my children accountable, so why wouldn’t it follow that at times I need to be held accountable? Interestingly, our kids have a way of doing that themselves in return.

Accountability is essential because it keeps us in check. It prevents hypocrisy. Maybe that’s why we don’t want accountability partners, after all? Accountability warrants someone else paying attention, being attuned to our lives, and we just can’t have that. But most importantly, accountability means someone else cares about us, and we probably can’t get enough of that!

My friend and mentor, Joey Cope, a lawyer and mediator, suggested to me that many conflict-oriented people are looking towards degrees like the one I got from ACU because they are tired of the conflict into which they are mired and are looking to find solutions for resolving it. He definitely had me pegged!

Why else would I spend two years, and a lot of money, pursuing such? I can promise you it wasn’t because I was bored!

Some people just love to be generators of conflict. They live for it. It’s their element. But it is, speaking from personal experience, a painful way to live.

That degree didn’t instantaneously change me. I still struggle. I still need to keep my mouth shut, instead of offering my unsolicited opinions to others on things not related to me. I get myself into trouble that way. But my recognition and admission of it, as well as my intentional movement away from such, is a sign that I’m headed in the right direction.

Want to join me?

In fact, the AHD defines resolution as “firm determination.” But how many people really stick with them? How many of us actually get through January with that diet or work-out regimen?

In fact, I think it’s silly to know there is something we ought to do now but put it off until later. Of course, I get why people want to put off the diet until January. There’s simply too much junk that we don’t want to miss out on between Thanksgiving and Christmas! But I think such a concession is incredibly revealing, and I’ll let you make the inference.

Why wait? We shouldn’t. If there is something that needs tweaking in our lives, regardless of what it might be, real commitment is exhibited through tackling it ASAP, not when it becomes significantly more convenient.

Quit waiting to do tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, what you know you need to do now! Why wait?

Proof?

Look at how many people start diets and exercise regimens to which they never adhere.

Thank God you can start over. But people who see it that way tend to use starting over as a crutch.

Mea Culpa...I’m one of those people… Sigh…

I’ve figured something out though. For starting over to work it requires a template to guide it- a plan of sorts. Here’s what I’ve concluded it takes for starting over to work.

Owning Your Issues

You wouldn’t be starting something over if everything was OK. When things are going smoothly there’s no need to. So own the fact that things are aren’t as they should be, so you can start over.

Seek Help

If you had it all figured out, you wouldn’t be starting something over. So get some help. But when you seek help, pursue counsel that knows what they’re talking about! Otherwise, you just might find yourself…starting over…again.

Stick with It

It is too stinking easy to quit. For me, quitting something is altogether too common. I suppose it’s comforting that when we do we can rest in knowing we can always… start over. But having to do so means we didn’t stick with it to begin with. So break the cycle and simply stick with from here on out.

John Pierpont Morgan

Treadmills are popular. Exercise fanatics use them diligently in their training. Just watch The Biggest Loser; there’s not an episode where you don’t see Bob torturing his team on one of them.

They monitor distance, time and even heart rate, with the runner regulating the pace. You can even push a button so as to give you the sense you are climbing. And you can put one anywhere- a gym, a garage, or living room. Treadmills are an incredible tool that can help individuals burn fat and get into shape.

But they are deceptive.

Running on a treadmill is not the same as running on the pavement or trail. The feel is totally different. The belt produces the pace, and runners often find that the pace on the open road isn’t the same as the pace on a treadmill.

Obviously, the most deceptive characteristic of a treadmill is that while it will monitor your distance for you, everyone knows that you’re not actually going anywhere. While you’ve made enough strides to cover 3 miles, you haven’t actually covered three miles. You are in the same exact spot as when you started.

Life can be like running on a treadmill. We run and run and run but never really go anywhere. We sweat but stay in the same place. You gasp for your next breath, your lungs laboring with intensity, and yet we are stuck in the same spot.

This is me and it is time to make a decision. No, I’m not looking for another job, buying a house, or anything like that. This is much more significant….

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.”

John Pierpont Morgan

Last Wednesday evening, NMCCH had its annual end of the school year awards ceremony. I was proud of all the home kids, but I was especially proud of my children. In fine fashion, Haylee performed her rendition of Francesca Battistelli’s, This is the Stuff. Aby put on her best smile for all to see. Reese won a Cloverbud 4-H award of $25. It was a wonderful evening made even more special by something else.

An accidental oversight caused a 14-year-old girl sitting at our table to miss being called up for promotion and a reading of her Victory List. Initially, Tisha and I both missed it as well, but eventually she asked, “What about me?” Tisha quickly apprised the MC of the evening of the oversight, and she soon got her own special moment. But there’s more…

Reese, my rough and tough yet immensely compassionate 7-year-old son, was in compassion mode. Feeling bad for the young lady, he decided to give her $5 of the $25 he received as a 4-H award. His words were, “I wanted her to have something.” The young lady was obviously touched. Later she would give the money back to him, but the impression was indelibly etched in our minds. He gets it.

$5 can’t buy much, but its value can’t be confined merely to what it can or can’t buy. To restrict the worth of $5 to a monetary value is to limit the psychological and emotional impact that a gift of any size can affect. On Wednesday evening, $5 was worth infinitely more than the price of a Happy Meal.

The gospels according to both Mark (Mark 12:41-44) and Luke (Luke 21:1-4) tell a story about Jesus seeing people offering rich gifts to the temple treasury while a widow donated all she had, the smallest of Roman coins. In Jesus’ mind, the widow “put in more than all the others” (v. 3, NIV). In the mind of Christ, worth isn’t attached to monetary value. Worth is attached to the heart. Others had given of their abundance, but the woman had given of her poverty.

In the last couple of years, I’ve witnessed people do this kind of thing. People of faith are making a difference with $5, $10, or $20. The poorest of peoples in Honduras are being fed. Kids in Mexico are being helped with school supplies. The homeless in Lubbock are being cared for in numerous ways. Young ladies are being assured that people care. How? $5 at time.

Care to share with me your thoughts?

Cathedral of Saint Francis of Assisi in Santa Fe, NM

This last week I spent a few days in beautiful Santa Fe, NM with my family. My kids were on their Spring Break, and Tisha and I were off for the last half of it. So we got away for some serious family time.

On Saturday morning, we went downtown to visit two must sees if your in Sante Fe: the Cathedral of Saint Francis of Assisi and the Loretto Chapel. Both structures bear French design in the midst of an adobe Southwest. The contrast of these two structures to the normative architectural culture of Santa Fe is clear.

The Cathedral of Saint Francis took over 10 years to build. The Loretto Chapel was constructed by the same team of builders, beginning in 1873, and was completed in 1878. That’s five years of construction on the chapel, alone! Of course, the chapel has the famous spiral staircase with no structural supports, believed to be built by St. Joseph (the earthy father of Jesus), the patron saint of carpentry, in a response to prayer. I must admit, that staircase is an amazing piece of construction.

The Loretto Chapel Staircase

Seeing these two structures got me to thinking about quality. Buildings and structures go up at lightning speed these days. After all, time is money. And we will cut corners to save time, won’t we? Sure we do. But isn’t it at the expense of quality?

I’m hesitant to reflect back on the corners I’ve cut to save time and energy because I know, when I do, I will discover that the quality of product produced will be lacking.

Does a quality marriage take time, or does it come quickly? How about sculptures? Paintings? Essays? Books? All of them take time, focus, and patience to produce.

Take some time to think about where you might be cutting corners, and ask yourself the question: Is it worth it?

In all actuality, I’m fine with getting older. I just don’t care to dwell on it all that much. But all this got me to thinking about this question: Could it be that the most positive sources of conflict are personal and internal?

I do find myself conflicted with myself more than I’m conflicted with others. By nature I’m harder on myself, and that makes me incredibly torn. In fact, I frequently find myself torn between God’s will and mine (Whether or not the two are in alignment or not.), my hopes and obligations, as well as between my commitments and the consequences of those commitments. It’s frustrating, but it’s my reality and I must deal with it.

As I reflect on it, I think that is a positive. I’d rather struggle internally, finding resolution through transparency and honesty, than be in a situation where I am at odds with another.

So thank you to those who reminded me that I’m going to be turning 40 in a few years. You’ve helped me recognize the positives in dealing with personal, internal conflict with myself. That is going to help me in the long run!

Jeff Goins is a recent addition to those who are affecting me in a positive way. Jeff is a writer who writes about writing, and he does what he does incredibly well. More than anyone else whose blog I frequent, that I don’t know personally, he interacts with his readers. Both via the comment section on his blog and through email, he engages his readers. His blog is a daily read for me, no questions asked. Subscribe via a blog reader, get posts to your email inbox, or just visit the site everyday. Whichever you choose, it will be worth it.

Me and Trey Morgan at Casa de Esperanza

Trey Morgan is hands down the most passionate minister I’ve ever met. He may be the most influential Church of Christ blogger there is, too. He writes about things that others don’t touch. What you see is what you get with Trey, and his personal presence is no different than his blog presence. He is universally respected in his community. There doesn’t seem to be a person he won’t help. He is passionate about his work in Honduras, as well. I’ve witnessed it first hand. Quite frankly, I’ve not known anyone- and I mean anyone- who has more closely exhibited the heart of Jesus than Trey.

Me and Chris Gallagher after The Jesus Banquet in Honduras

Chris Gallagher and I have become wonderful friends over the last several months. I’ve known Chris for the last two years or so, but this past December we worked together in Honduras with Trey Morgan. We’ve poured a concrete sidewalk together at Casa de Esperanza, a children’s home run by Marc and Terri Tindall in Santa Ana, Honduras. We built a 16 x 16 house together for a woman in Santa Ana, as well. Our friendship has flourished ever since. Chris is a wonderful preacher and minister. He is also involved in life-coaching. You should really consider signing up for his newsletter.

I’ve never met L.L. Barkat, but what she puts into print and serves up into cyberspace is remarkable. She is the Managing Editor of TheHighCalling.Org, a site that offers “Everyday Conversations about Work, Life and God.” My introduction to her work came through Jim Martin. A comment I made on his blog landed me a signed copy of L.L.’s book, Stone Crossings: Finding Grace in Hard and Hidden Places. She mailed it to me herself. This book still ranks, hands down, as one of my all-time favorite reads. I don’t know how she does it, but her style of writing can hold me for hours. You have to read her work to understand what I mean. When you do, you can’t but get what I mean.

Finally, there’s Joey Cope, the Executive Director of the Duncum Center for Conflict Resolution at Abilene Christian University. He has impacted me through his teaching, advising and mentoring, as well as through his blog. A year-and-a-half ago, I began the Master’s program in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation, and I haven’t been the same since. One of the major reasons is that Dr. Cope has been a personal presence. For a man who is as busy as he is, he has always been quick to reply to Twitter messages or emails. You simply cannot underestimate how much of an impact that can have on a person. Moreover, when we met face to face in January for residency, it was like we’d known each other for years. He is passionate about being a “minister of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18-19), and he’s helped instill a similar heart in me.

Well there you have it, five individuals whose sphere of influence is vast, maybe more substantial than they realize. Check out their sites and blogs. Follow them on Twitter. All five are there. Befriend them on Facebook. I’m friends with all of them there, as well. Soak in what they have to offer. You won’t be disappointed.

Haylee Nicole Young

I’ve been teaching Exodus on Sunday evenings for my church. We are only two weeks in, but I am really enjoying it. This past Sunday, we began to examine how God surfaces in the narrative by interjecting himself into the life of Moses through communication via a burning bush. God has some creative ways of getting people’s attention, doesn’t He? When God wants to get your attention, He most certainly will!

So a stage was set Sunday evening, to be sure. But would I see the burning bush through which God would speak in my own life? I wasn’t in Midian, though. This time, it was under my own roof.

This, though, was so much more than a burning bush. It was my own daughter. While only 10 years of age, she is beyond those years. She  makes us marvel, and Tisha and I never ceased to be amazed by her.

All she had to do was utter a couple of words, “Why is dad mad?”, to bring me back full-circle. Bible class. Burning bush. God getting one’s attention. Boom, He had me. We immediately went to Haylee’s room to talk.

She’d done nothing. No one had really done anything. I was merely drained mentally, physically, and emotionally, and was completely susceptible to just about any kind of outside, negative impetus. We talked it all through, and I assured her that neither she, nor anyone else for that matter, had done anything wrong. We prayed, and she went to sleep.

That night, as I curled up in bed, I mentally said, “You’ve got my attention, God.” And He did. There was a bush burning in my life, a place of holy ground. God spoke, I listened, and He’s had my attention ever since.

The burning bush story of Moses is no longer a neat little story from Scripture. It is much more. It is now my story, and it means more to me than ever.

God could be trying to get your attention. There may be a bush burning in your life.