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Strong and Weak Ties…

November 29, 2010 in House Parenting with 0 Comments

…I see them both. For some who place their children in our care, the ties to their kids are immensely strong. Parents don’t want to have to do it, but they simply cannot manage without doing so. And so they acquiesce to the inevitable. They succumb to the greater need of the child. But the tie is still strong. Some parents will do whatever they can to improve their situations so that they can once again go back to loving on their kids. You can’t help but respect that.

And then there’s the other side. There is always the other side. The side that seems indifferent. The side that hardly seems to care. That’s one of the hardest parts about what Tisha and I do. Taking care of double digit kids can be tough, but it pales in comparison to the emotional toil of seeing kids faces who haven’t heard from their family in weeks or longer. No joke. Every child in NMCCH’s care is parent placed, but some seemingly drop them off and forget about them. Unless you’ve seen it, you can’t imagine how unsettling it is.

Working here has taught me a newfound respect for my kids. Take some time to consider the ties you have with yours. Ask yourself…

Are my ties with my kids strong?

or

Are my ties with my kids weak?

Day 1

July 2, 2010 in House Parenting with 5 Comments

It happened almost overnight. Two days ago, Tisha and I went from having three children under our roof to 12. The oldest is 13; the youngest is 18 months. They will stay with us for a week, then a new set of kids will spend the week with us. When House Parents have their week off, we take their kids for them for that week. That’s how it works.

As I type, we have had them for 48 hours. Two days down, five more to go with the kids from Cottage 1.

So what have I learned in those 48 hours? Here are a few things.

  1. Kids are desperately seeking validation. These children know there are voids in their lives and they are seeking people to fill those voids. That is what makes this kind of work so rewarding. Adults are filling holes in the hearts of kids and filling them will love, concern, and hope.
  2. Patience. I told Tisha the other night, “It will be impossible to strive to be so patient with these kids and that not spill over into becoming more patient with our own kids.” It’s true. I’ve had such unreasonable expectations of my own kids. Patience hasn’t been one of my virtues, and I am certain that God has brought us to this place, not only to help make a difference in the lives of these kids, but to also teach me to be a more patient person. This is something I welcome.
  3. Kids want to be engaged on so many levels. Wednesday afternoon I took our whole cottage of 12 kids (mine included) and we had a huge soccer game. Kids from other cottages played as well. It was a blast. But it wasn’t for all of them. Some children had to be engaged on a different level and in a different venue. It’s easy to want to compel kids to conform to things that simply aren’t who they are. Every child is unique and must be considered as such. We are going to have to learn each one and seek to engage them where they desire it.

I am sure that there will be tons more we learn. For those of you who’ve been wondering what children’s home work is like, this is just a taste. More shall come later, but I am going to have to find the time. Time, consequently, is a precious commodity around here.