Is it possible that perceptions are the single greatest barrier to harmonious relationships? If not the greatest, they have to rank fairly high.

We are constantly perceiving things aren’t we?

• Ominous looking clouds coming from the west cause us to perceive rain might be on the way.
• A couple abruptly walks out of a movie. Are they offended by something? Maybe they received a text stating their child is ill, so they cut their date short?
• And then, of course, there’s the dreaded how we perceive things said to us. You perceive someone says something to you in anger, but the speaker suggests otherwise.

Be careful careful how you perceive things. Your perceptions are a way of framing matters. So be ready, just in case you have to re-frame because your perceptions were off. Your perception of a situation may erect an unnecessary barrier between you and another.

What might it say about us if our first instinct is to assess blame when things go wrong? Could it be that we aren’t willing to own our mistakes?

I know. I know. It’s always about what’s right. I get it. I’m just bothered by the fact that some think it’s inconceivable that they could ever be wrong. Could it be that we aren’t willing to own our mistakes?

In Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Stone, Patton and Heen suggest: “Focusing on blame is a bad idea because it inhibits our ability to learn what’s really causing the problem and to do anything meaningful to correct it.” It’s true. If our initial instinct is to assess blame then we are actually succumbing to a diversion that distracts us from the most pressing issue at hand- what or why something went wrong.

Who is at fault is important, but not nearly as much as what or why. The who will come. But if our first instinct is to assert blame, then it may be that we are the ones with something to hide!