I readily concede that the tag line for my blog is lofty…
Conflict has a face!
Changing the Face of Conflict.
What was I thinking? I might as well put a bull’s eye on myself. After all, what if I don’t handle a potential conflict situation in the best way? Am I not just setting myself up for scrutiny? I am. And to be certain, I don’t handle potential conflict Continue Reading…
Yesterday, a friend of mine posted a comment asking whether or not I had any advice on how to deal with dishonest people… I think the title of this post expresses my purest and deepest sentiments to his question.
I know where to start though. No matter who we deal with in life, I only have control over one. And while it may sound utopian, I’d like to think that if everyone thought about the Continue Reading…
There may be nothing more frustrating in interpersonal relationships than having to deal with dishonest people. I don’t know if it will help or not, but I found it therapeutic to enumerate characteristics of dishonest people. Maybe just maybe, insight into how they function might help us understand and endure the difficulties that come with interacting with them. Continue Reading…
For some people everything must be black or white. If not, then the fear is that relativity, not objectivity, will reign. But the clear distinctiveness between the colors black and white do not necessitate the conclusion they are mutually exclusive, right? Though distinct, the two can merge together. Hence, we have the color gray.
Primary colors, though distinct and independent of one another, when put together create other colors. Yellow and blue make green. These are facts we know to be true. But to juxtapose the combination of primary colors in making secondary colors with convictions of who or what is right… Well….Some just will not go there.
This may be why litigation has such an appeal to some types of people. It affords a clear winner and loser. One is in the “the right,” the other is in “the wrong.” Hard, fast lines are drawn and rarely, if ever, can both be right.
Mediation, though, suggests otherwise. According to Christopher W. Moore, mediation affords parties “a mutually acceptable settlement,” and through such you can have it both ways and not regret it!
Unlike any other form of dispute resolution, mediation makes it possible to either preserve or restore a relationship. When conflict must be an either/or proposition, it is hard for the loser to not leave bitter. But when both parties negotiate with each other coming out as winners, neither has to leave harboring anger or resentment.
In conflict management, there are alternatives to the win-lose mentality. But it’s no cake-walk! It takes a willingness to collaborate and composure unlike anything else to make it happen. But happen it can.
Do you find it difficult to collaborate?
Is it all or nothing for you?
Are you miserable if you don’t get your way in all things?
There is a better way! Seek to collaborate. If at all possible, mediate and not litigate. By so doing, you can have it both ways and not regret it.
People, especially my friends, often chuckle when they think of me having a Master’s Degree in Conflict Resolution. It’s not because they think it’s a silly degree, but rather because I tend to be rather argumentative and am notorious for liking to be in the middle of conflict. The notion of me pursuing peace seems paradoxical.
My friend and mentor, Joey Cope, a lawyer and mediator, suggested to me that many conflict-oriented people are looking towards degrees like the one I got from ACU because they are tired of the conflict into which they are mired and are looking to find solutions for resolving it. He definitely had me pegged!
Why else would I spend two years, and a lot of money, pursuing such? I can promise you it wasn’t because I was bored!
Some people just love to be generators of conflict. They live for it. It’s their element. But it is, speaking from personal experience, a painful way to live.
That degree didn’t instantaneously change me. I still struggle. I still need to keep my mouth shut, instead of offering my unsolicited opinions to others on things not related to me. I get myself into trouble that way. But my recognition and admission of it, as well as my intentional movement away from such, is a sign that I’m headed in the right direction.
Want to join me?
