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The Missing Element

February 7, 2012 in Journal with 0 Comments

You ready for a laugh?

I once took a home economics class in high school. I think I did it because I figured there would be a lot of girls in the class, but it also could have been because I had little hopes that I’d find a female who would help take care of me. Regardless, I was either shallow or desperate, and I’m not certain which one was more telling.

Mrs. McKay was awesome, though. I actually loved the class.

Out of the same material, I made a pillow and a pair of shorts. Not bad, I thought. But it got better. She actually convinced me to make a cake for our county fair.

I remember the night I made it. I had to make a number of runs at it. I kept doing something wrong though. I was leaving out a crucial element. I actually think it was baking powder of all things. Naturally, my cake suffered as a result. With a bit of motherly intervention, I got it figured out. But that missing element frustrated the process in a significant way. A missing element will do that to you…every…single…time.

As I think about the frustration of that night, as well as other events in my life where there were key elements missing to things that made matters difficult for me, I am forced to think introspectively about some of the key, missing elements in my personal life.

I wish I could say there was only one, but I know there are more than that. But there is a BIG ONE, and I’m finally mustering up the courage to make a clarion call for it. The biggest missing element from my life, one I contend is holding me back the most, is… accountability.

In the past, I’ve been critical of others who’ve advocated for accountability partners. Some in certain religious movements seemingly abused it. Unfortunately, I was also critical of those who were advocating a healthy, constructive approach to holding one another accountable. Now I’ve come to my senses, and I see the pressing need for establishing accountability in our lives. In fact, there is biblical precedent for it.

“Therefore, confess your sins one to another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Accountability is crucial to parenting, isn’t it. I hold my children accountable, so why wouldn’t it follow that at times I need to be held accountable? Interestingly, our kids have a way of doing that themselves in return.

Accountability is essential because it keeps us in check. It prevents hypocrisy. Maybe that’s why we don’t want accountability partners, after all? Accountability warrants someone else paying attention, being attuned to our lives, and we just can’t have that. But most importantly, accountability means someone else cares about us, and we probably can’t get enough of that!

 

It Is Time…

February 6, 2012 in Blogs with 2 Comments

I am quietly resurfacing here, but it is not without trepidation.

There’s something about blogging that is delightful and intriguing. In no time, you are able to publish something that the entire world is capable of reading. There can’t be much cooler than that. Those aspiring to write, but who have no forum to do so, can be up and running in a matter of minutes.

That is only one side of the coin though. On the other side is an image that suggests it’s not all its cracked up to be.

Blogging has become its own living, breathing organism. Since I’m back in the dog ownership business, I can equate it to our beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback, Spirit. And like a puppy you get for your kids, you can raise it up well or you can treat it so poorly that it becomes a major frustration.

There are guys out there like Jeff Goins, Brian Allain, and Robb Sutton who are, essentially, blog coaches. I’ve read blogging books by all three. They most assuredly know what they are doing, but with knowledge comes responsibility, and with responsibility come expectations. It’s the expectations, regardless of whether they are yours or that of another, that can make blogging so arduous and frustrating.

It’s one thing to be afforded the avenue to put something out for the entire world to see, but it’s another thing put stuff out there that others want to see. You see… That’s only part of what it takes to generate traffic. Consistency becomes another key, and that’s where a lot of us fall short. It’s been one of the myriad issues that have held me back for sure.

But I now feel it is time. For those who’ve sent me emails asking me if I’ve given up on blogging, I hope this is another step to that speaks to my resounding “No!” Thanks to the guys I cited above who are putting out tools to help. I’ve learned a lot from all three of you. My hope is to put forth a product worth reading.

How You Can Have It Both Ways And Not Regret It….

December 1, 2011 in Conflict, Conflict Resolution with 0 Comments

For some people everything must be black or white. If not, then the fear is that relativity, not objectivity, will reign. But the clear distinctiveness between the colors black and white do not necessitate the conclusion they are mutually exclusive, right? Though distinct, the two can merge together. Hence, we have the color gray.

Primary colors, though distinct and independent of one another, when put together create other colors. Yellow and blue make green. These are facts we know to be true. But to juxtapose the combination of primary colors in making secondary colors with convictions of who or what is right… Well….Some just will not go there.

This may be why litigation has such an appeal to some types of people. It affords a  clear winner and loser. One is in the “the right,” the other is in “the wrong.” Hard, fast lines are drawn and rarely, if ever, can both be right.

Mediation, though, suggests otherwise. According to Christopher W. Moore, mediation affords parties “a mutually acceptable settlement,” and through such you can have it both ways and not regret it!

Unlike any other form of dispute resolution, mediation makes it possible to either preserve or restore a relationship. When conflict must be an either/or proposition, it is hard for the loser to not leave bitter. But when both parties negotiate with each other coming out as winners, neither has to leave harboring anger or resentment.

In conflict management, there are alternatives to the win-lose mentality. But it’s no cake-walk! It takes a willingness to collaborate and composure unlike anything else to make it happen. But happen it can.

Do you find it difficult to collaborate?

Is it all or nothing for you?

Are you miserable if you don’t get your way in all things?

There is a better way! Seek to collaborate. If at all possible, mediate and not litigate. By so doing, you can have it both ways and not regret it.

 

Why I Seek Peace…

November 22, 2011 in Conflict, Journal with 0 Comments

People, especially my friends, often chuckle when they think of me having a Master’s Degree in Conflict Resolution. It’s not because they think it’s a silly degree, but rather because I tend to be rather argumentative and am notorious for liking to be in the middle of conflict. The notion of me pursuing peace seems paradoxical.

My friend and mentor, Joey Cope, a lawyer and mediator, suggested to me that many conflict-oriented people are looking towards degrees like the one I got from ACU because they are tired of the conflict into which they are mired and are looking to find solutions for resolving it. He definitely had me pegged!

Why else would I spend two years, and a lot of money, pursuing such? I can promise you it wasn’t because I was bored!

Some people just love to be generators of conflict. They live for it. It’s their element. But it is, speaking from personal experience, a painful way to live.

That degree didn’t instantaneously change me. I still struggle. I still need to keep my mouth shut, instead of offering my unsolicited opinions to others on things not related to me. I get myself into trouble that way. But my recognition and admission of it, as well as my intentional movement away from such, is a sign that I’m headed in the right direction.

Want to join me?

Why wait?

November 9, 2011 in Journal with 2 Comments

I think it’s funny that people will wait until New Years to begin working on resolutions. In fact, given the approach of so many towards them, myself included, I find it really difficult to even call them resolutions.

In fact, the AHD defines resolution as “firm determination.” But how many people really stick with them? How many of us actually get through January with that diet or work-out regimen?

In fact, I think it’s silly to know there is something we ought to do now but put it off until later. Of course, I get why people want to put off the diet until January. There’s simply too much junk that we don’t want to miss out on between Thanksgiving and Christmas! But I think such a concession is incredibly revealing, and I’ll let you make the inference.

Why wait? We shouldn’t. If there is something that needs tweaking in our lives, regardless of what it might be, real commitment is exhibited through tackling it ASAP, not when it becomes significantly more convenient.

Quit waiting to do tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, what you know you need to do now! Why wait?
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