A couple of weeks ago, I attended a minister’s study, but for the first time I had my Macbook with me. To the group, this seemed odd. I asked if the hosting church had an open wireless signal because I needed internet access. Why? I was in the middle of trying to mediate a divorce for my graduate class, Advanced Mediation: Marital Disputes.
When I apprised the group of what I was doing, they were somewhat shocked. I understand why. After all, we are ministers and we feel like it is our duty to save marriages, not facilitate them coming to an end.
Before the class started
, I had serious reservations about it. The class title told me one thing, but the reading titles (Divorce and Family Mediation & Mediating Divorce: A Step-By-Step Manual) suggested something else. I’ve known from the beginning that divorce mediation was a significant part of the curriculum and that I was going to have jump in with both feet, but my feelings from ministry led me to be resistant to it. I want to preserve marriages, if at all possible, not help them amicably come to an end. On the surface, is anything more illogical than a minister trying to mediate a divorce?
But here I am, five weeks into it, and I’m pleasantly surprised. Most, if not all, of my fears are gone and another point is proven: perspective is everything. This class, especially the role-playing, has been as beneficial to me as 10 years worth of hands on ministry experiences. No joke. The mediation process is as valuable as gold because the process, worked in the right way, lends itself to reconciliation. And that is what God cares about most (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). It creates opportunities that, more than likely, would not be had any other way. This may not mean that two people don’t divorce, but it does mean that a process is experienced that can be capitalized in so many ways to revolutionize one’s life. This isn’t hyperbole, either. I’m serious!
The mediation process affords us techniques that can be used just about anywhere, at any time, and at any place. Best of all, when used proactively, it can really change the course of things if people are really pursuing peace. Of course, I learned this week one in Negotiation and Mediation: you have to have two parties who are willing to sit down and discuss things if reconciliation is ever to be possible. It would be nice, across the board, if we had more people who were willing to calmly sit down and be peacemakers. After all, that is what we are called to be (Matthew 5:9; Hebrews 12:14).
